I’m at that stage of my life where every single girl around me keeps on complaining about her single status.
“There are no good men left.”
“My biological clock is ticking.”
“Society is putting so much pressure on me.”
Yada yada yada.
Let me list the main reasons why your current single status can be the greatest gift you ever get…
1. It gives you time to learn to be alone.
In her book, “Thrive,” Arianna Huffington champions the idea of looking inwards for wisdom, and that requires being okay with solitude. Being alone gives you the time and space to actually figure out who you are before the world told you who you should be.
There are people out there who claim, “I’ll be a better person and clean out my act once I’m married and settled down.” I always thought it was ridiculous, expecting some external force to help them clean up their act. What happens when that person comes into their lives and then leaves? Will they, in turn, be worse people than they were before? No. Conditional statements like that shouldn’t shape the person that one is.
“If I get married…then I will…”
Character defines the person that one is regardless of what other people see in them and think of them, and more importantly, regardless of their marital status. So learn to be just you.
2. It gives you time to discover the things you value the most.
It’s easy to put other people’s priorities in front of ours. It’s also easy to give in to peer pressure and do things we’re not really big fans of. In our part of the world, we suffer because our individuality tends to not be respected by society. You are expected to live life according to society’s MAJOR LIFE PLAN — graduate college at 21, married by 24, first child by 26…but, what if you value other things more than starting your own family?
“What? Arey, beta? There’s something more important than getting your own family? Wipe those ideas from your head…what will people say?”
3. It makes certain decisions easier.
Whether you want to take a new job, move to a new city, travel, change apartments, etc., you don’t have to make decisions based on the needs and wants of anybody but yourself. And, as we all know, optimization problems are easier when there are less variables to consider. Common limiting factors that exist for married people are; where does the husband work? Where do the kids go to school? How close are the in-laws so they could babysit the kids sometimes?
4. When you relish your single status, you’re less likely to settle for less than you deserve.
Because you love yourself and value yourself, you understand your self-worth isn’t measured by who you’re married to. So it’s less likely that you’ll make a choice of fear, and instead, you’ll end up making a good choice, out of a need for growth.
At the end of the day, if you get married, you’ll look back on your single days and wish you had enjoyed them more. All my married friends attest to that. One thing about relishing your single status is that you might enjoy it so much, you end up not letting people in. You end up protecting your space and your time the way mama bear protects her cubs, and maybe that’s a good thing.
I wouldn’t know.
I’m too busy enjoying my solitude right now.
Amina H. is an engineering student who blogs at ahscribbles.com.